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Valley Forge Baptist Church Missions

“THE NEW COUNSELOR”

Vol. 55October 2009856-765-9460
House Undivided, F.A.I.T.H. Counseling Ministries
P. O. Box 2695, Vineland, NJ 08362
Dr. “Dick” Sparling

There are those things in life that we do that affect and even hurt others and ourselves. One of those behaviors is probably something that we don't think much about. It is the matter of making promises but not keeping them. These can be anything from a simple to a very important promise.
The definition of promise is "a declaration that something will or will not be done." (Webster). The word promise does not have to be included in what is said as long as there is a commit­ment to do or not perform some behavior.

For an example we will look to Scripture and see where a promise was made and then broken. It is in the life of Peter. In Matthew 26 Jesus was telling His disciples about the future. He spoke about His corning crucifixion and resurrection. He informed them that at the time of His crucifixion they would be offended. (vs.31).

Peter quickly responded, "Though I should die with you, yet will I not deny you. Likewise also said all the disciples." (vs. 35). This was a promise from Peter and the others to Jesus. He replied, "I say unto you that this night before the cock crows you will deny me three times." (vs. 34) Peter's promise was a very serious one of absolute dedication no matter what, including death.

Subsequently Jesus was arrested and taken to Caiaphas where He would be judged. We are told, "Peter followed afar off." (vs. 58). As Jesus was being judged we are told "Peter sat outside in the court." (vs. 69). He was recognized as a follower of Jesus three times. Each time someone recognized him, Peter denied knowing Jesus. He became so upset he began "to curse and to swear, saying, 'I know not the man!" (vs. 74). He had made a promise and then broke it. Just as Jesus had foretold the cock crowed. Peter remembered the words of Jesus "and he wept bitterly." (vs. 75)

In this example we see the effect on the one who has made the promise. Peter had made an important promise to one he said he loved and then he failed. Revealed is that the one who breaks a promise can experience hurt.

Our concern in this article is with the one to whom a promise has been made and then broken. There is also hurt. In our story we see the reaction of Jesus. After the cock crowed, "The Lord turned and looked at Peter." (Lk. 22:61) Their eyes met and we know the reaction of Peter. We are not specifically told of the response of Jesus to Peter's broken promise. All we are told is that He looked. We know in our own lives that a look can send any number of messages.

Because this is Jesus He would not necessarily respond as we would but let me suggest just one possibility. That look (based on Peter's reaction) said, "You did it, you broke your promise." Possibly it was a look of sadness, or of hurt because it was Peter who was so close to Him and had even declared his love for Him. We know that Jesus could show emotion for earlier He had wept when He saw the failure of faith at the raising of Lazarus. Whatever that look, it said something to Peter.

A promise made, a promise kept is essential for good relationships and in every situation. We all make promises and, sad to say, in varying degrees, we all break promises. There are, of course, different reasons why we make and break promises. Sometimes we do so because we honestly forget, or we don't believe it's important, or it is a flaw in our character. As children of God we need to be very conscious that our words are important. When we break a promise, even a small one, there is potential for hurt for the one to whom the proJ;l1ise was made.

An example of a promise that we might consider small and unimportant is when we tell someone that we'll call them later that day. The promise is made but t4e call is not made. In my own experience, I have waited all day, not going out or doing something that would keep me from hearing the phone ring, waiting for the promised call that never came. This is hurtful in two ways. Waiting controls the individual and what they are able to do. Second, if the purpose of the call was important to the one waiting, they could experience hurt or upset. I'll let you think of other simple promises you or others have made to you that were broken.

One of the more serious areas of promise breaking that is becoming more and more common today even among Christians has to do with the marriage ceremony. A number of vows, which are promises, are made by each to the other. These promises involve conduct with each other “until death”. Sad to say, in a large percentage of marriages, these promises are broken and this often leads to divorce. Much of my counseling through the years involved broken promises. As at result there was much hurt and unhappiness.

There are many other areas where this problem could be discussed but space will not permit it. What are we to learn? How serious is it? What do broken promises say about the promise breaker?

A promise broken, whether it is something small or something very serious, all have· some degree of consequence. It may also say something about our character. If failure is very seldom, it may mean nothing.. If it is very often there may be at least one of two problems. It may be a physical problem that affects the memory. The one of most concern is where there is failure because the individual just doesn't care. This is a spiritual problem and a character flaw where the individual cannot be trusted or depended upon.

Promise keeping is serious. Make only a promise that you know you can keep and then make sure you keep it.

From Libby:

There have been several times in the last few weeks that I have talked with folks who are going through some long lasting and difficult trials or I've been told of someone who just seems to have one thing after another go "wrong" in their lives either personally or in their family. They are all Christians with great stress in their lives.

I was reading in II Corinthians recently and was struck again with the list that Paul gave of things that happened to him as he faithfully served the Lord. (1:8,4:8-11, 6:4-5, 7:5, and 12:7 to name a few). I wonder if he occasionally thought, "Can anything else go wrong?!" As we go through tough times sometimes with no end in sight, it wears us down emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Paul gave all kinds of reasons for these trials and it did my heart good to review the list. That God might be glorified and His greatness seen. That we might repent of sin and learn to lean on Him. To keep us from trusting in ourselves instead of on God. To make us more sensitive and willing to give to relieve the needs of others. That we might experience victories in our life and help others to see Jesus. It's bringing about our sanctification so we'll be more like Him. It's preparing us for the future. That we might learn to trust Him and depend on Him, etc., etc. (And these are just the ones mentioned in II Corinthians!)

I noticed something that we sometimes miss as a reason for trials. Paul spoke of it at the beginning of the book, part way through (7:6) and at the end. In our trials and losses we can experience God's comfort. This is so special. His peace and presence are so amazing. In the midst of pressure that seems so great that we think we cannot take much more, He is there. As Paul said, "His grace is sufficient." Beyond that, as we experience comfort we are then able to comfort others in a way that we wouldn't have been able to if everything in our lives ran smoothly (1 :3-7). Help us, Lord, to trust You even when we don't understand.

October Introduction Letter